


Don't Look At Me Like That, Because I Love You

by Moonchildbrat



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, One Shot, Smut, Vanilla, it's really like 3 sentences, the beginnings of a panic attack but not a full fledged one, why is changkyun always a sad boy in my fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23072509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonchildbrat/pseuds/Moonchildbrat
Summary: When Changkyun would look at Jooheon, it would take every fiber of his being to shove his feelings deep, deep down into the darkest recesses of his soul, so that nobody would ever know.Based off of this vlive: https://www.vlive.tv/video/166335?channelCode=FE123
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M & Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon
Comments: 7
Kudos: 125





	Don't Look At Me Like That, Because I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written smut in a very very long time. I'll do my best. Also, it's a theory of mine that Changkyun might have had a little sip of something to drink before that vlive... but I'm not saying that as a fact, it's just a fun theory ;)
> 
> Also in this fic Hoseok was there. Because he fucking should have been. so yeah.
> 
> Btw this wasn't beta read.

"I feel good if I die young, 'cause you're my killer!" Jooheon's rapping filled the stage with his large presence, his voice like a tidal wave crashing over the audience. As he continued rapping Changkyun forced himself to concentrate on the choreography. It was difficult to dance in the black suit, the white jacket constricting his arm movements and the bow-tie constricting his breathing. However, his clothing wasn't what made dancing the most difficult. It was the fact that every time Jooheon opened his mouth, Changkyun's insides were set on fire and his head spun with a confusing mix of lust and a soft love for his band member. Before Changkyun knew it, it was his turn to rap, and in the blink of an eye, their performance was finished. 

The seven members stood in the red light, basking in the feeling of accomplishment and the screams of Monbebe in the audience. Changkyun looked briefly at Jooheon and took the small burst of warmth that ignited within him and shoved it into a dark corner, chaining it to a wall so that it would never escape. He then looked back at the audience, stepped forward and concentrated on the warmth that Monbebe gave instead. 

After the Christmas Party was finished, the members of Monsta X packed themselves into their vans. Hyunwoo, Hyungwon, Kihyun, and Minhyuk traveled in one car. Changkyun tried to fit into that car, however, Kihyun pushed him back lightly.

"Just go in the car with Hoseok hyung and Jooheon. You know the van gets too hot when there are too many people," He smiled innocently, not realizing Changkyun's  _ desperation _ to  _ not  _ be in Jooheon's van. Changkyun usually didn't mind so much, after all, they had been in the same group for years and Joohoen would definitely have noticed if Changkyun never sat with him. However, tonight Jooheon looked so  _ good  _ and had performed  _ so well  _ and that just did something to Changkyun. The maknae couldn't really tell Kihyun that if he sat in the same van as Jooheon tonight he would probably burst into flames from the heat inside of him, so he just nodded and walked towards the other van. Every step he took seemed to cause his heart to beat faster. Jooheon smiled at Changkyun and waited outside the van, hands in pockets and leaning against the vehicle which just pissed Changkyun off because  _ why did he have to be so damn beautiful _ . Changkyun reached the other rapper who seemed to be waiting for the maknae to enter first. 

_ Ah, so he wants to sit in the back with me,  _ Changkyun observed. His hyung was always particularly playful and clingy after a successful concert, probably from the adrenaline. Changkyun slipped into the van, scooting past Hoseok who was sitting in one of the middle seats and into the back. Jooheon followed suit, scooting in so that his entire left side was touching Changkyun. The black-haired rapper leaned his head against Changkyun's shoulder and nuzzled into the crook of the maknae's neck. God, it took everything not to lift Jooheon's head and kiss him right there. A sharp pain emanated from his chest, a dark, cold shadow stretching its tendrils over the warmth that had been filling him only moments before. 

This is how it always went. When Changkyun would look at Jooheon it's like the sun would come up and the clouds would part. When Changkyun would look at Jooheon, it would take every fiber of his being to shove his feelings deep, deep down into the darkest recesses of his soul, so that nobody would ever know. And once he did that, he was left with a bitter cold feeling.

"You okay, Kyunnie?" Jooheon started massaging the redhead’s thigh, Changkyun's breath hitched and he prayed that Jooheon didn't hear. He could feel himself getting hard and so he shifted and wrapped his arms around Jooheon in a tight hug, attempting to constrict his movements so that he wouldn't be able to continue massaging the youngest's thigh. 

"What do you mean?" Changkyun asked innocently, letting go of Jooheon. There was a moment where the two looked into each other's eyes and it felt like Changkyun wasn't on earth anymore. His hand reached up but just before he grazed his fingers along Jooheon's jawline, he caught himself and ran his hands through his own red hair, promptly looking away.

"You just seem... really tense," Jooheon observed calmly. "I just want to make sure the cutest little maknae ever is okay," He joked and ruffled Changkyun's hair. The warmth flared back, fighting the cold shadow that had taken over inside of the youngest. Changkyun looked back up at Jooheon and then smiled warmly at his hyung. He shuffled closer to the other and this time nuzzled his neck into Jooheon's neck. 

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a little tired, hyung. You don't need to worry about me so much." There was a long moment of silence where the two sat just basking in each others' presence and warmth. Changkyun almost drifted off to sleep until Hoseok spoke up, startling him. He had forgotten that anyone else was in the car with them. Oops.

"Hey, Minhyuk just texted me that they are buying some sake before they get back to the hotel," Hoseok announced casually. "Do you guys want anything while they're at the store?" He looked over his shoulder at the two maknaes. Jooheon hummed in thought and Changkyun sat upright, shrugging.

"I'm good," the youngest said. 

"Can you tell them to grab a bottle of sake for Kyunnie and me?" Jooheon smiled, his dimples catching Changkyun's eye. The elder member nodded and turned back around, typing furiously on his phone. Changkyun turned to the other rapper, his pierced eyebrow raised.

"You want to drink tonight?" He questioned. "You're not too tired?" Jooheon shrugged.

"I don't know, I mean if you're too tired to drink, that's not a problem. I can just drink for the two of us," Jooheon winked. Changkyun giggled and leaned his head back onto the seat. 

"Nah, I'm in. Let's party," He cracked his voice and dragged out the last word in a cute manner, causing Jooheon to burst out laughing. The eldest rapper reached out and once again ruffled Changkyun's hair. 

The rest of the car ride was silent until they finally reached the hotel. Hoseok was the first to get out, Jooheon and Changkyun following him. As soon as Changkyun was out of the car, he felt a heavy weight around his neck and realized that Jooheon had slung his arm over him, pressing his body into the youngest. Changkyun felt as if the sun itself was now burning inside of him, and if he opened his mouth he might accidentally let it out, so he allowed Jooheon to cling to him. 

They made their way through the fancy hotel lobby into the elevators. Hoseok stepped forward and tapped the button next to the number 8. Jooheon was still holding on to Changkyun, which definitely didn't go unnoticed by the redhead. After what felt like an eternity to Changkyun, the elevator doors slid open and the three members, alongside their managers, who had joined the trio in the lobby, exited the elevator. 

"Minhyuk should be here any minute, I think he'll just knock on your door when he arrives," Hoseok explained. The two rappers nodded and headed into their room, Jooheon finally releasing Changkyun to unlock the door and enter the room. Jooheon flicked on the light, which admittedly didn't do much for light, so he walked around turning a couple of lamps on as well. Changkyun hopped into the shower, considering touching himself to relive his body of the tension that had built up inside of him over the course of the night, but he knew how loud he was. He always struggled to stay quiet and he didn't want Jooheon to hear something like that. He usually waited until all of his hyungs were busy to get himself off.

In No.Mercy days, Changkyun naturally stayed to the side and observed. When Jooheon spoke to him in the studio, Changkyun didn't mean to cry, it just came out before he could cut his emotion off. When Jooheon spoke to him that day, it was the first time in his life he felt that warmth radiate inside of him and it completely caught him off guard. It scared him. After No.Mercy ended, Jooheon was the first member to really reach out to him, and so Changkyun thought that the warmth stemmed from his gratefulness. However, the warmth just continued to grow and grow until it felt like if Changkyun looked at the eldest rapper anymore he would  _ surely _ melt.

It wasn't until Jooheon climbed into bed with Changkyun for the first time that Changkyun realized how absolutely in love he was with the man. The two had whispered away until 2 in the morning, talking about nothing particularly special. But, the way the light of the moon sparkled in Jooheon's eyes, the way his heart sped up when Jooheon traced his finger over the youngest's arm ever so lightly, the way Changkyun felt as if his entire world was right in front of him, he couldn't deny that the warmth went much further than gratefulness. But it wasn't like Changkyun could just shut him out. He did try, for a week, until Jooheon stormed into his room crying and asking what he did wrong. Changkyun swore to never do something so stupid again. 

Then, Jooheon had once walked in on him getting himself off. He apologized with a ‘whoops, sorry’ and closed the door, having no idea that Changkyun had been thinking about him. The young rapper was so embarrassed that he stopped touching himself and took a cold shower to lose the urge. Suddenly, a knock on the bathroom door brought the maknae back to the present. 

"Hey, hurry up man, Min just brought the sake and I still need a shower,” Jooheon opened the door and slid the curtain back to speak, causing Changkyun to cover himself up quickly, a gut reaction. Jooheon giggled.

“Chill, dude. We’ve seen each other naked before. With how often you walk around in nothing I’m surprised you’re getting shy.” The older rapper waggled his eyebrows at the youngest. Changkyun tried not to seem phased by Jooheon looking at him in a flirty manner, after all he was just joking. 

“Dude, get the hell out,” Changkyun laughed playfully while flinging water in the older man’s face. Jooheon grinned and slid the curtain closed before exiting the bathroom. Changkyun quickly washed his hair and body after realizing that he had spent a long time just standing in the shower. Once he was done, the maknae grabbed a fluffy white towel from a nearby rack where multiple towels were placed. He stepped out and got dressed in a black cotton shirt and black and red basketball shorts. He opened the bathroom door, letting the steam out from the bathroom. He finally felt refreshed after such a long day. 

“Finally!” The black-haired rapper sang and skipped past Changkyun, closing the bathroom door behind him. As he passed, his shoulder lightly brushed the maknae’s, causing that same heat to course through his body once again.  _ I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that _ , Changkyun thought miserably as he fell onto the queen-sized bed closest to the window. 

Changkyun took to his phone, scrolling through twitter comments about how well they did during their performance, It warmed his chest, a different warmth than the one Jooheon gave him, but a comforting warmth all the same. He was so lost in his phone, the maknae didn’t even notice that the water had stopped running until Jooheon was there in a towel ruffling the red hair as he walked by, towards his suitcase. While Jooheon was bent down sifting through his clothes, Changkyun observed the way his muscles worked, rippling underneath his smooth, tan skin. Changkyun suddenly found himself swallowing.

He managed to look up and realized that Jooheon was staring at the youngest with his eyebrows raised. Changkyun froze as if he were a deer in headlights before the object of his affection stepped forward and leaned on the bed, face hovering above Changkyuns. 

“Like what you see?” Jooheon asked in a sultry manner. Changkyun could feel heat burning deep inside of him. He froze, only for a moment, before squealing and pushing Jooheon away. He laughed loudly.

“Aigo, stop messing around,” He giggled in a high pitched voice. “You’re so weird today hyung,” Changkyun observed, still smiling, still burning on the inside. Jooheon chuckled and turned back around to grab a pair of boxers and shorts. He slid back into the bathroom without another word. Changkyun used this opportunity to catch his breath. He put his phone down and looked around the hotel room before his eyes fell onto the bottle of sake. It was a pretty pink bottle with an image of cherry blossoms wrapping around it. He hopped off of the bed and cracked the bottle open. He grabbed a glass that was provided by the hotel and poured the milky substance into the cup.

He filled his cup a third of the way, before grabbing a cup for Jooheon and filling his cup to roughly the same amount. He put the cap back on the bottle of sake and placed it on the wooden table.

He grabbed the glass and threw his head back, draining the cup of its contents quickly. He placed the cup back on the wooden surface with a light clink, and then once again filled his cup partially. Before he lifted the cup back to his lips, Changkyun turned his head at the sound of the bathroom door opening. Jooheon came out with a black beanie over his unwashed hair, a black sweater, and black sweatpants. Changkyun felt his heart skip a beat as the older rapper smiled at him. 

“You’re already digging in without me?” Jooheon asked in a joking manner. He skipped over to the maknae and grabbed the untouched glass from him, pouring the liquid down his throat. Changkyun watched every detail, from the way Jooheon’s lips parted to the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.  _ God, he would look so good wrapped around my- _ Changkyun looked back up and noticed that Jooheon was surveying him curiously. Changkyun felt himself burning from the inside as they stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity to the youngest. Suddenly Jooheon burst out into a mischievous grin and ruffled the red hair in front of him, then slowly brought his fingers down the back of Changkyun’s slender neck. Changkyun’s lips parted in an almost inaudible gasp. He silently prayed that Jooheon hadn’t heard.

“You know what we should do? Let’s do a vlive! I want to say hello to our precious Monbebe,” Jooheon sang and quickly ran out of the room. Changkyun blinked slowly at the door, feeling the sake slowly start to course through him.  _ Well, I guess we’re doing a vlive. _ Changkyun smiled to himself and poured a third glass of sake, noticing that the bottle was already almost empty. He chugged the liquid in his glass and wiped his mouth, setting the cup back down. The maknae giggled to himself as he looked around for a good angle that the camera could record from. The redhead hopped onto the bed closest to the window and sat back, waiting for the other man. His body felt like it was floating in the clouds and he already missed the presence of the black-haired man. Finally he heard the digital lock turning and Jooheon opened the door carrying a tablet and a tall black stand for the tablet to sit on.

“Alright just let me set this up. You wanna do it there?” Jooheon nodded at the bed that Changkyun was currently relaxing on. Changkyun nodded.  _ Yeah, I wanna do something alright. _ Jooheon walked over to the bed and placed the tablet on top of the thick blanket. He then fiddled with the stand to get it to the correct height before setting the tablet on the stand. As he messed around on the device, opening the application and checking camera angles, the maknae noticed how Jooheon stuck his ass out towards him, probably unintentionally but it made Changkyun’s mouth water all the same. He had a sudden desire to grab his ass and massage it, but that’s not what bandmates and best friends do unless there’s a camera on them for fanservice… which there currently wasn’t. Changkyun sat on his hands to prevent them from reaching out. Finally, Jooheon seemed ready and crawled onto the bed next to Changkyun, sitting so the wall was behind them. 

“You ready?” Jooheon asked. 

“Yeah, let’s do this shit,” Changkyun grinned in response. Jooheon leaned forward and pressed the button to go live, and with that, they were off. 

\---------------- 

It felt natural talking to Monbebe next to Jooheon. Hell, he was probably slurring his words a little bit, but Jooheon mentioned that they were tired, so Changkyun figured that the fans wouldn’t look into it too much. Besides, next to Jooheon and with sake coursing through his veins, the maknae wasn’t worried about anything. He could feel himself leaning into Jooheon’s space a lot. He didn’t mind. Jooheon would burst out into a dimpled smile every time anyways, so Changkyun figured that Jooheon didn’t mind it either. 

The longer the vlive went on, the more desperate Changkyun became. It was clear that the burning warmth inside him wasn’t from the sake but for the fact that the two of them were on a bed together and so,  _ so  _ close. As they talked about the Christmas Party and dumplings, the thought of having Jooheon’s strong body underneath him was absolutely consuming the redhead. He could imagine feeling the smooth body beneath his fingertips. The thought of him marking up the strong thighs of the other made his mouth water. And his lips.  _ God _ , Changkyun wanted to have a taste. He wanted to tie the older man up and have him begging. Someone who was so powerful on stage, so confident in his rapping, rendered helpless and filled with want. Ah, the things he wanted to do. 

Perhaps it was this consuming desire that led him to almost kiss Jooheon on a live video. He wasn’t quite sure what possessed him, but suddenly Changkyun could feel himself leaning over as Jooheon looked at the camera. He wrapped his arm around Jooheon’s well-built shoulders and continued to lean in. Before he was able to make the dumbest decision of his life, he smoothly changed course and rubbed his face into the side of Jooheons. He let out a small breathe as he continued to cuddle into the warmth of the other rapper. He felt Jooheon’s body vibrate with a small chuckle and he pulled away to observe the man’s reaction. Jooheon’s face crinkled into a gorgeous smile, but otherwise, there was no reaction. Changkyun decided to leave his arm around the older man to be as close to him as he could.

As Jooheon spoke about seeing Monbebe, Changkyun continued to study Jooheon’s smooth features. Even though he had showered, he left his makeup on, as did Changkyun. They usually left their makeup on before going to bed anyway, just in case they decided to go out or do vlives such as this one. He studied the eyeshadow that brought out the shining, dark eyes. The dimples were deeply etched into the man's face. Changkyun was lucky that he caught what Jooheon had even said.

“Right,” Changkyun slowly added. “Monbebe~. Monbebe Monbebe~,” The maknae sang playfully to the camera. Changkyun and Jooheon continued to talk, Changkyun trying to focus on the camera so he didn’t make any more mistakes during this vlive. He could feel the effects of the sake wearing off. At some point when he looked over he saw a stray eyelash on Jooheon’s face. He wanted to lean forward and blow lightly on it but he instead let Jooheon know and softly removed it for him. 

When Jooheon suggested they eat, Changkyun suddenly realized how hungry he was. With a few parting words, the two finally said their goodbyes to Monbebe. Jooheon closed out of the app and turned back around, leaning into Changkyun’s space, which made the youngest member dizzy. 

“You were so cute today,” Jooheon mumbled, brushing the bangs from Changkyun’s heated face. Changkyun parted his lips to say something, but before he could even get a word out, Jooheon got up.

“I’m going to return this tablet to the managers and then let’s grab some food. There’s a Mcdonalds just next door. Let’s go there.” Jooheon told the youngest member as if he hadn’t just set his internal organs on fire. Changkyun huffed and stood up, stretching his legs out painfully. Jooheon grabbed the equipment and left the room, Changkyun trailing behind him feeling a bit like a lovesick puppy following their owner around. 

The two walked quietly through the overly ornate hallway of the hotel, the white walls carved with intricate designs and the plush carpet making this hotel look fancier than it actually was. The rappers made their way past several doors before Jooheon stopped in front of the door marked 514. When he stopped to rap his knuckles against the hard surface of the wooden door, the redhead almost rammed into him out of being distracted due to Jooheon’s ass as he walked- not that Changkyun would ever admit that out loud. 

After a few seconds, the door opened to reveal their manager Hongsik, who was clearly ready for bed, the desire for sleep etched into his face. He just sighed and grabbed the technology from Jooheon, who bowed in thanks, before closing the door on them. Jooheon spun around to face the maknae and grinned. 

“Burgers~” He sang in a nasal tone as he threw his arm over Changkyun’s broad shoulders. Changkyun had a sudden desire to pin him to the wall and pepper him with kisses, but he knew that would go unappreciated so he held himself back and laughed as a response instead.

\----------------

After the two were finished eating, Changkyun and Jooheon chased each other through the hotel in a playful race to see who would make it to the door first. Changkyun was the winner, but only because he tripped Jooheon just before he entered the elevator and closed the door before Jooheon could compose himself and stand up.

Jooheon eventually caught up to the youngest, the both of them completely out of breath. Changkyun leaned on the door, waiting for Jooheon to get his key out, breathing heavily from running for the past several minutes.

“Probably shouldn’t run right after we ate a burger,” Jooheon mumbled with a smile. Before he knew what was happening, a hand was pressed next to Changkyun’s head, firmly on the door behind him. The black-haired man leaned in, invading Changkyun’s space. It was as if a thousand galaxies had just been born inside of the maknae’s soul. The man suddenly felt so  _ alive  _ being next to the older man, especially so close to him. Jooheon continued to lean forward and right when Changkyun thought the other man would kiss him, he angled his head so that his thick, soft-looking lips nuzzled into Changkyun’s slender neck. 

Changkyun wasn’t even sure if he was breathing, the only thing that he could concentrate on was the warmth emanating from the man he loved, and the feeling of his warm breath caressing his neck. Changkyun was just about to reach out and grab Jooheon’s hips when Jooheon spoke, “Do you wanna cuddle? I’m feeling particularly cuddly tonight.” Changkyun’s fingers twitched and his breathing faltered as once again Jooheon’s breath ghosted along Chankgyun’s slender neck. 

_ No. Please stop. _

“Sure,” He ended up saying instead. The burning and heat were instantly replaced with cold as Jooheon backed away and looked at Changkyun expectantly. Changkyun felt overwhelmed with a numbing chill that seemed to envelop his heart and lungs, so it took him a bit too long to realize that Jooheon was waiting for him to move so he could unlock the door. Changkyun swallowed and stepped aside.

_ He was just playing. Jooheon’s always clingy after concerts.  _ Changkyun wanted to cry. He wanted to curl up in Minhyuk’s room and let the elder coddle him until he fell asleep. He wanted to run into Jooheon’s arms and kiss him and tell him just how much he really loved the other rapper. Instead, he silently followed Jooheon back into the hotel room and watched as Jooheon hurled himself onto the bed closest to the entrance. He yanked his hat off to reveal messy black hair. Changkyun seemed so cold on the inside that he didn’t really feel the warmth when he laid beside Jooheon. Nor did he quite feel the warmth when Jooheon wrapped his arms around the maknae, pulling him close before flinging a leg on top.

Jooheon nuzzled himself into Chankgyun’s neck, lips brushing against the smooth, tan skin. Changkyun let out a small gasp and then promptly bit his lip to keep his mouth shut. If Jooheon heard, he ignored it. However, Jooheon didn’t seem to settle down at all, he kept moving his head around, slight little movements that were almost imperceptible, except that the youngest could feel the way that Jooheon’s lips moved gracefully across his skin. Suddenly Changkyun could feel a smile creep across the older man’s plump lips and suddenly he felt a small pain on his neck. It took Changkyun a moment to realize that Jooheon had bitten him. Suddenly it was too much as an intense heat melted the ice from his airways. He couldn’t do this burning to freezing thing anymore. Changkyun yelped and pushed Jooheon away so hard that the black-haired man rolled off the bed and hit the ground with a small grunt. Changkyun sprung out of bed on the opposite side of where Jooheon had fallen.

Slowly, Jooheon got up, rubbing his head. He looked at Changkyun with concern.

“I‘m sorry, Kyunie. Did I bite too hard?” He furrowed his brow in confusion. The redhead shook his head and let out a shaky breath. 

“No, hyung. I just need- I’m sorry I just-” Changkyun didn’t know what to say, and the longer he stumbled over his words, the more Jooheon’s confusion clearly shifted into concern.

“Whoa, Changkyun. Slow down. What’s going on?”

“I’ll be back,” Changkyun whispered and left the room as fast as he could without sprinting. He didn’t look behind to see if Jooheon followed him, but he hadn’t heard the door reopen behind him, so he figured that he was fine. 

He stopped in front of Minhyuk and Hoseok’s room and knocked rapidly. He heard padded footsteps quickly make their way to the door before it opened, revealing a worried Minhyuk who looked a bit tired with disheveled black hair.

“Changkyun? What’s going on?” He asked gently. His eyes widened when he saw the state of the maknae, shaking slightly with eyes full of unshed tears. He stood to the side t allow the redhead into the room and then closed the door behind them.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Changkyun asked quietly.

“Who was it?” Hoseok’s voice called out from around the corner. Changkyun made his way into the room so that the second eldest of the group could see him.

“Oh! Kyunie~” Hoseok sang, his smile dropped when Changkyun weakly smiled back. 

“What’s going on? Did you fight with Jooheon?” Minhyuk asked as he walked over to the bed closest to the window and sat down, back straight, giving Changkyun his undivided attention. Hoseok leaned forward, also showing that he was listening.

“We didn’t fight. I don’t really want to talk about it though.” Hoseok shook his head.

“We don’t keep secrets in this group. You _ know _ that.” The older replied. Changkyun sighed, his shoulders drooping.

“I- I know that hyung. We can talk about it… I’m just not ready yet. Please don’t make me right now.” The usually deep voice of the maknae cracked at the very last word before a few tears escaped. Changkyun hurriedly wiped them away. The two older members looked at each other as if silently communicating before Minhyuk scooted back onto his bed and patted the spot next to him. 

“Come on, Kyunie. Of course you can sleep here tonight.” Kyunie smiled softly and made his way over to the black-haired vocalist, scooting next to his thin body and laying his head on the older man’s chest, allowing the sound of his heart to drown out all of the overwhelming thoughts in his head. Minhyuk stroked the red hair with one hand and scrolled through Twitter on his phone with the other hand. A minute or two went by before the three men heard chimes coming from both Hoseok and Minhyuk’s phones. _ Shit,  _ Changkyun realized. _ I left my phone in my room. _

“Changkyun? Why is Jooheon asking if anyone knows where you are?”

_ Shit _ . Changkyun once again cursed in his head.

“I… might not have told him where I was going. I think I told him I would be right back.” He wasn’t too sure if the words came out or not, he had just wanted to get out of the room.

“ _ Changkyun _ ,” Hoseok sighed. “I don’t know what happened, but that wasn’t nice of you, letting him worry like that. You should have told us that he didn’t know. We would have texted him.”

“I honestly forgot,’ Changkyun buried his head deeper into Minhyuk’s bony chest. A few more minutes passed before a soft knock was heard at the door. This time, Hoseok was the one to get up and answer. Changkyun couldn’t hear distinct words but he recognized that voice immediately.  _ Jooheon is here _ . Suddenly his heart rate picked up and breathing felt difficult. Minhyuk must have picked up on Changkyun’s panic because he hugged him tightly. Footsteps were heard but Changkyun didn’t look. He knew. He  _ always  _ knew when Jooheon was nearby. It was like he had some sort of internal Jooheon radar.

“Changkyun, can we talk?”  _ Jooheon had been crying _ . An icicle pierced through Changkyun’s heart as he heard the sniffling and the tired sounding voice. He didn’t want to look but he knew that he had to. He slowly let go of Minhyuk and turned around, sitting up and facing a puffy-faced and red-eyed Jooheon. It hurt, and all the maknae wanted to do was kiss the tear streaks that were still on his face away. Minhyuk kissed Changkyun’s temple and shifted off of the bed.

“Hoseok and I are just going to switch rooms. I don’t know what happened but you need to talk it out.” He gave Changkyun a small smile before taking the key from Jooheon and exiting with Hoseok. There was a moment of silence where Changkyun just looked at the blanket and traced random patterns into the plush material with his pointer fingers. Suddenly two strong hands were placed on top of his own. His body tensed slightly, and the hands let go.

“Do you not want me to touch you anymore?” Jooheon whispered before backing up and sitting on the other bed. “I didn’t realize I was making you uncomfortable.” His voice was small, completely opposite to what it had been on stage just a few hours ago. It broke Changkyun’s heart. The maknae swallowed harshly before slowly looking up at Jooheon, who was just looking back at him with a blank expression.

“I don’t have to cuddle with you if you don’t like it. I just wish you told me instead of running off. Although, if you could tell me why you’d rather cuddle-” Jooheon cut himself off by clearing his throat. “I just mean, did I do something that upset you? Changkyun, I’m so  _ so sorry. _ For whatever I did, I am so sorry.” Changkyun didn’t know what to say. I opened his mouth but no words came out. The man he loved was hurting and he didn’t know how to fix it.

_ You didn’t do anything wrong. I love you. _

After a minute of silence, Jooheon sighed and stood up.

“I’ll tell Minhyuk to come back.” His voice broke as he whispered. As he turned at took his first step away from the youngest, Changkyun reached out without thinking and grabbed his black sweater. There was another moment of silence. Jooheon turned to stare at Changkyun expectantly. 

“Why are you crying?” Jooheon asked so softly that Changkyun almost hadn’t heard it. Changkyun reached up with his free hand and found his face wet with tears. “Ah- I’ll go grab Min-”

“I love you,” The words came out of the maknae’s mouth before he even knew what he was doing. Jooheon furrowed his brow.

“I love you too, man.” He responded cautiously. Changkyun closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. 

“No, Jooheon. You don’t under- understand.” He opened his eyes and looked back up at the other. “I love you differently. I love the other hyungs. But I love you differently.” The tension could be cut with a knife, and suddenly Changkyun felt like ice was trapped in his lungs again. Changkyun let go of Jooheon and dropped his hands into his lap, his face looking down again.

A hand slipped underneath Changkyun’s sharp chin and forced it back up and suddenly Changkyun’s eyes met with Jooheon’s. Jooheon was much closer, this time, so Changkyun could make every detail of his beautiful eyes out. 

“I need you to clarify what you mean,” Jooheon begged. Changkyun swallowed again.

“I…” Changkyun trailed off. The words ‘I love you’ didn’t feel like enough anymore. How could he explain what he felt? “Hyung, if you asked me to marry you right now, I would say yes so that I could spend the rest of my life with you.” The youngest closed his eyes, expecting Jooheon to drop his chin and push him away. Instead, he felt a warmth near his face and Jooheon’s lips grazed his cheek ever so slightly. 

“Changkyun, if you’re joking right now, it’s not funny,” Jooheon whispered.

“I’m not. I love you, Jooheon,” Changkyun breathed. Jooheon’s lips were a familiar feeling. They had touched his neck many times before. They had danced across his arms playfully, but they had never caressed his own lips until now. His breath was taken away as the lips he had been staring at for years were finally upon his own. The kiss was light, and it felt as though two pieces of a puzzle clicked into place. Neither man wanted to be the one to end their first kiss. Puzzle pieces were meant to be put together not taken apart, after all. 

Finally, Jooheon pulled away reluctantly, with the younger leaning forward slightly so that he could keep their lips together for just a moment longer. Only the sound of their ragged, light breaths could be heard in the hotel room as they stared into each other’s eyes. Jooheon slowly sat down next to the maknae. He reached up tenderly, the tips of his fingers caressing Changkyun’s slightly chapped lips. His fingers started on the left side of Changkyun’s face, and slowly he moved his fingers across the bottom lip to the other side. Changkyun could feel his breath leave him. Yet, this wasn’t the heavy breathlessness that felt like ice filled his lungs, nor was this the overwhelming fire that would ignite within him from time to time. It was as if an angel peacefully took his last breath before sending him to heaven. It felt light and calm. Jooheon made the same motion with Changkyun’s upper lip. Changkyun didn’t miss how Jooheon swallowed hard, adam’s apple bobbing deeply. 

“Changkyun…” Jooheon whispered airily. “You're so beautiful. You’re... “ Jooheon swallowed again before leaning forward and dipping down so that his lips brushed against Changkyun’s neck once again, yet this time with purpose. He blew out lightly, the breath spreading goosebumps across the maknae’s skin. Jooheon moved his hands to Changkyun’s chest and allowed his fingers to explore over Changkyun’s shirt. Changkyun couldn’t think of anything except Jooheon. His touch, his breath, his presence. All of the air left Changkyun’s lungs as the older pressed a more firm, but still delicate, kiss along the lower part of Changkyun’s neck, close to his collarbone. Jooheon pressed another kiss slightly above the last one. He continued until he reached the sharp jawline.

“You’re  _ mine _ ,” Jooheon growled in a low voice that sent shivers down Changkyun’s spine and left him so dizzy with want that he had to grab onto Jooheon’s shoulders to keep himself steady. A small pain alerted Changkyun to the fact that he was being bitten and  _ fuck- _ he started sucking the skin so hard that Changkyun’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and his back arched. Jooheon let go of the now marked skin and slowly traveled upwards towards a spot underneath Changkyun’s ear and repeated the process. 

Changkyun let out a whine that he didn’t even know was in him. He could feel Jooheon smirking before he pulled back, leaving Changkyun completely breathless. Jooheon nudged Changkyun, and the maknae got the message so he moved back slightly. Jooheon then crawled forward, straddling Changkyun so that their chests were flush against each other, Jooheon’s face hovering just above Changkyun’s. Changkyun closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel how Jooheon’s nose brushed against his own. After a moment of this, Changkyun couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Kiss me,” The redhead whispered breath ghosting Jooheon’s lips. There was a moment, a brief moment where Changkyun thought that maybe Jooheon wouldn’t comply. Yet, before he could open his eyes Jooheon’s lips were upon his once again and the strong arms of the black-haired man reached up, tangling his fingers in the soft red hair. 

It started with another light kiss, that is until Changkyun became hungry for more, opening his mouth to allow for more. Feeling this, the older man parted his lips and his tongue explored Changkyun’s mouth. Jooheon went back to exploring the others’ chest with his fingers, more energy in his hands this time. Slowly they made their way down to the hem of Changkyun’s shirt and dipped underneath. Like the needy kisses that their lips shared, Changkyun could feel how needy Jooheon was to feel the rest of him, so as he felt fingers digging into his sides, he pulled back slightly and lifted his shirt off. 

The moment his shirt hit the ground, Jooheon dove forward and latched his teeth onto Changkyun’s neck. The redhead groaned and started grinding into Jooheon’s hard dick that was still trapped in his shorts. Changkyun pushed Jooheon back slightly and tugged at the hem of the older man’s shirt. Jooheon got the message and lifted his arms up. Changkyun thought about tearing the shirt right off but he wanted Jooheon to be  _ desperate _ . He looked up into Jooheon’s brown eyes, noticing how the light from the lamp reflected off of them like stars. The maknae ever so slowly raised Jooheon’s shirt, making sure to graze his abs as he did so. Once the shirt was past his belly button, Changkyun shifted, pushing Jooheon so that Changkyun could dip down and leave a trail of butterfly kisses starting from Jooheon’s hip bone that peaked out above his shorts, all the way to the hem of the shirt.

He kept lifting. Slowly. Slowly. Jooheon’s breathing grew more and more ragged and the maknae noted how the elder trembled underneath his touch. Eventually, Changkyun reached Jooheon’s nipples and he tentatively licked the left bud eliciting a groan from the rapper. The left corner of Changkyun’s mouth rose in satisfaction before he latched on to the hardened bud, sucking harshly, so desperate for more noises from Jooheon to which he was successful. 

“God, you drive me fucking crazy,” Jooheon whimpered and Changkyun dragged his lips lightly against the muscular chest before he attacked the other nipple with his tongue. Changkyun felt as if he were getting drunk again, the moans from Jooheon were becoming so addicting. Changkyun finally took his shirt off. He lifted himself up and connected his lips with Jooheon, tasting the plump bottom lip with his tongue. Jooheon slid his hands down Changkyun’s bare chest and quickly slipped his trembling fingers underneath Changkyun’s basketball shorts. Changkyun leaned back onto the bed and lifted his hips so that Jooheon could slide both the shorts and boxers off in one fell swoop. 

Changkyun’s dick was long and somewhat thin with a slight curve and Changkyun whimpered as Jooheon revealed it and it hit his abdomen slightly. Before the redhead knew it the other rapper had his hand at the base of his cock and his lips wrapped tightly around the head, causing Changkyun to twitch his hips upward, shoving his dick deeper inside Jooheon’s velvety mouth. Jooheon let out a throaty moan which sent the most delicious vibrations through Changkyun’s hardened member.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Changkyun breathed out as his toes curled and fingers gripped the pillow underneath his head. “Jooheon-  _ fuck _ .”A chorus of ‘ _ fuck, fuck, fuck _ ’ escaped Changkyun’s lips as Jooheon continued to bob his head up and down, swallowing every now and then around Changkyun’s length. Jooheon lifted his head, his lips making a lewd pop as they left Changkyun’s dick which was drooling with precum. Changkyun looked down and almost came as he took in Jooheon’s glazed eyes and glossy lips. He sat up and grabbed Jooheon’s chin softly. Looking into Jooheon’s eyes he knew- he just knew in that moment  _ truly  _ how much he loved him. There was never anyone else. He leaned forward and gave the older rapper a small peck on his lips before focusing on getting Jooheon’s shorts off as well. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” Changkyun whispered as he slipped the rest of Jooheon’s clothes off. He threw them somewhere- he didn’t see where because his eyes were too busy caressing every detail of Jooheon’s toned body. His thighs were thick- biteable. His cock was long and veiny with a wide girth that made Changkyun’s mouth water. He took Jooheon by the shoulders and moved so that their positions were switched. 

“S-so are you,” Jooheon was suddenly blushing which caused Changkyun to chuckle. 

“Aww, is my honey getting shy?” Changkyun breathed into Jooheon’s ear, his hot breath stroking over the other’s ear. “Getting shy after you got between my legs and wrapped your lips around my cock?” Without moving his position, Changkyun traced a finger down Jooheon’s torso until he felt the head of the large cock. He wrapped his fingers around it slowly and began pumping, just enough to have Jooheon trembling.

“Kyun  _ please please please _ ,” Jooheon’s voice was raspy with lust and Changkyun felt him squirming underneath his own body. It was making him painfully hard as Jooheon unintentionally brushed against the maknae’s dick. 

“Please what, baby?” Changkyun continued in Jooheon’s ear as he pumped him. 

“Please- faster-” Jooheon was so out of it that Changkyun wasn’t sure if he could form a full sentence even if he wanted to. Changkyun lowered himself just enough to nibble on his neck, then lowered himself completely so that his breath ghosted against the head of Jooheon’s cock. He licked a stripe up his girth before teasing the slit with his tongue. He heard Jooheon let out a hiss as his legs shook. Finally, Changkyun had decided that he teased enough and slipped Jooheon inside him. Both men let out moans as they were lost in pure pleasure for- well Changkyun didn’t know. All he knew was the warmth sitting inside of him wasn’t overwhelming anymore. 

Jooeon suddenly reached down and tugged on Changkyun’s hair and the younger lifted himself up. He wrapped his fingers around the length again and began pumping vigorously, angling himself so when Jooheon came with a loud cry and shaking body, his cum hit Changkyun's face. Changkyun felt the warm liquid touch his skin. Some landed near his mouth and he made sure to make eye contact with Jooheon as he licked it off.

“God- Changkyun. You don’t know what you do to me.” The youngest rapper smiled and winked.

“Come on Kyunie. I want to see what you look like when you cum too,” Jooheon sang as he got on his hands and knees and crawled over to the maknae. Wasting no time, Jooheon once again wrapped his lips against Changkyun’s length and began bobbing his head. Changkyun knew he wouldn’t last long.

“Jooheon, I’m going to- ah~” He cried out as he tried to pull Jooheon’s head up but Jooheon dug his fingers into the redheads’ hips and firmly remained wrapped around him as Changkyun unraveled.

“Oh  _ God _ ,” Changkyun screamed as he unloaded in the black-haired man’s mouth. Jooheon swallowed what he could as he raised his head. Changkyun smiled and wiped some liquid that spilled out from between the man’s delectable lips.

He closed his eyes and placed his hand at the nape of Jooheon’s neck and brought their foreheads together. The two stayed like that for some time, their heavy breaths being the only sound in the room. Slowly and with much lethargy the two cleaned themselves up and laid down in the same bed. 

Changkyun looked at Jooheon who was typing something onto his phone and suddenly the ice returned in his lungs when he realized-  _ Jooheon never said he loved me back _ . His thoughts were suddenly spiraling. 

_ Why is Jooheon just on his phone casually? _

_ Did it not mean the same thing? _

_ Did he just want to fuck me? _

Changkyun could feel his breathing grow shallow and he felt like he needed to leave. Jooheon seemed to sense something because he put his phone away and reached out to lightly grab Changkyun’s wrist.

“Changkyun? Are you ok?” He asked softly and suddenly Changkyun broke. He closed his eyes and a few tears slipped out as he began to shake while he tried to keep his sobs inside.

“Baby? Oh my god, please tell me what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Changkyun shook his head.

“N-no hyung. I’m sorry I just. I love you but I’m scared.” He opened his eyes and saw the older man hovering over him. He felt Jooheon’s hand caress his cheek and wipe his tears away.

“Talk to me.Talk to me about what’s scaring you. Please don’t run away again. Please-” Jooheon inhaled sharply after his voice cracked on the last word. Changkyun reached up and ran his fingers through Jooheon’s soft and messy hair.

“I’m scared that we just did what we did even if you don’t feel the same way,” The maknae whispered. “Because I don’t know how to go back to where we were after that.” Jooheon was silent for a moment as he looked deeply into Changkyun’s eyes. 

“Changkyun- I’m sorry I was… I was trying to show you with actions. I love you so much.  _ So  _ much that I wouldn’t be able to bear it if you left right now. Changkyun. You’re my  _ world _ . He lowered his head and kissed Changkyun’s nose, then his left check, and his right cheek next. 

“I love you so please don’t cry.” Changkyun smiled as the ice melted. It felt as though it would stay gone for a long time. 

“Let’s sleep. I texted Hoseok hyung to let him know that everything is ok between us. I didn’t go into details. I figured we can do that another day, okay?” Changkyun nodded and smiled and Jooheon smiled back. He kissed Changkyun on the lips before rolling off of the younger’s body. The two curled up together, Jooheon’s legs wrapped around Changkyun. And if Jooheon’s snores just happened to wake Changkyun up in the middle of the night- Changkyun found that he didn’t care.


End file.
